


Trial and Error

by AmazingAbigail



Series: Fixing Yesterdays [2]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Conversations, Developing Relationship, F/M, Story divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 18:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18212069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmazingAbigail/pseuds/AmazingAbigail
Summary: Margo tries to tell Neil how she feels before the play





	Trial and Error

**Author's Note:**

> this is an AU off Fixing Yesterdays

_“I’m in love with him,” I whisper, unable to stop the smile from spreading across my face. Saying it out loud gives me such a release that I get goosebumps up my arms._

_“I know,” Charlie says, and I don’t need to look to know he’s smirking._

_My smile falters. “I kissed him and then lied about it.”_

_“I know,” he says again, but this time he sounds a bit more serious._

_I’m silent for a moment. I love him. I said it out loud. I said it, and the fluttering in my heart only helps prove that I mean it. I smile widely and it hurts my cheeks and I love it, and I love everything._

_“What are you going to do?”_

_“I’m going to tell him,” I say immediately. I turn in the chair to face him. “I’m going to tell him!” I shout, jumping from my chair. I can’t stop smiling, and then I start giggling and I cover my face with my hands, trying to get a grip on myself, but it’s hard._

_I rush over to Charlie, who’s also smiling, and grab his shoulders. “Right after the play! He has to know. I have to tell him!” This is great. I’m going to do it. To hell with my hang ups with my parents; for all I care, they won’t have to know until after graduation._

_“Why not now?”_

 

I raise my eyebrows. “I could mess him up,” I answer. “For tonight.”

            “I don’t think anything could mess him up,” Charlie tells me. “Especially not this.”

            I sink back into Cameron’s chair. I could tell him. He’s right across the hall. He’s right there. I look back up at Charlie.

            “I don’t know what to do,” I say. “Tell me what to do.”

            Charlie shakes his head once before he starts laughing. I don’t want him to laugh. I want him to tell me what to do.

            “Go over there and tell him,” he says when his laughter subsides.

            I stand up, but the fear that sweeps over me forces me to sit back down.

            “Margo?”

            “I can’t do it.”

            “Get over there!” he shouts. He gets to his feet and pulls me up and towards the door. He gently pushes me across the hall and closes his door behind him. I swear I hear him lock it.

            I raise my hand to knock, but the fear is still overcoming me, so I turn to head back to my room. 

            “Margo!” I hear Charlie shout from the other side of his door.

            I let out a loud groan and knock heavily on Neil’s door. My heart is pounding, and it only gets worse when he opens the door.

            “Margo?” he asks, looking confused. “Why did you knock?”

            I open my mouth to answer, but all that comes out is a weird sound that doesn’t belong in my mouth. What the hell is wrong with me?

            “Are you okay?”

            “Is Todd here?” I blurt out, much louder than I meant to.

            Neil looks even more surprised. “No,” he answers slowly. “He’s at the library.”

            “Good.”

            “Do you need him?”

            “No.”

            “Margo!” I hear Charlie shout again. Neil jumps and looks across the hall.

            “What’s going on?” Neil asks, looking back at me.

            Instead of answering, I push him into the room and close the door behind me. I can’t have Charlie shouting every so often when things don’t go fast enough for him.

            “Margo, I don’t know what’s going on, but I have to get ready and-”

            I groan loudly again and move past him towards the window. “I told Charlie I shouldn’t be here. He didn’t believe me; he said it would be okay.”

            “What are you talking about?” Neil asks behind me. I drop my head to my hands and groan again.

            I hear him come up behind me, and jump when he puts his hand on my arm. I whirl around to face him. “Don’t do that,” I tell him weakly. “It’s only making this worse.”

            “Margo,” he says slowly, and I can’t tell if he’s only confused, or a little frustrated. “Tell me what’s going on. Please.”

            “I don’t even know where to start,” I confess. I walk over to Todd’s chair and grip the back tight. This is so stupid. I told Charlie, why is it so hard to tell Neil? I take a deep breath and grip the chair as tightly as I can. “I lied to you,” I start slowly. “I’ve lied to you a lot recently.” I release the chair and turn to him. He’s watching me quietly, one eyebrow raised high. I bring my hands to my face and bite my thumbs. “Okay, okay,” I mumble to myself. Just do it. Just say it. It’s going to be fine.

            “I love you,” I tell him quickly. He takes a step back in what I’m hoping is surprise. “I should have told you sooner,” I’m rambling. “I should have told you on the Fourth of July, but I couldn’t, not with my parents there. I should have told you after I kissed you last week, but I couldn’t do it then, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I’m an idiot, but I am, and I’m really sorry if I’m going to mess you up tonight because I know how much you’ve been looking forward to-” Neil has closed the space between us quickly and kisses me. I’m grateful for the silence. Chills run through my body, and if I could think at this moment, I’m sure my thoughts would be running wild. I close my fist around his blazer and pull away.

            “Please don’t be mad,” I say softly.

            He starts laughing, and after a moment I have to smile. “Mad?” he repeats. “You know how long I’ve waited for this.” He leans his forehead against mine.

            “If you mess up tonight-”

            “I won’t mess up, and even if I do, I don’t care.”

            We don’t move, or say anything else for a while. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, and I couldn’t be gripping his blazer anymore without tearing it. This is where I want to be. This is what I’ve wanted for so long.

            Neil tucks my head under his and I breathe in his scent. My pieces are all in place and I could stay like this forever.

            Sometime later, Neil sighs and whispers, “I have to go.”

            I groan, but pull away from him. “I’ll see you tonight,” I respond.

            He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and slides his hand to the crook of my neck. “Nothing is going to ruin today.” I can’t help but smile. He leans down and kisses me again, which I eagerly return.

            We pull apart and we leave his room. He starts down the hallway, but turns as he continues walking.

            “I love you too,” he says with a smile.

            “Break a leg.”

            Neil turns and starts jogging down the hall. When he nears the stairs, I hear him shout “Yawp!” I laugh and shake my head.

            When he’s gone, I take a deep breath and enter Charlie’s room. He watches me as I collapse onto his bed. He just sits there as I flail and laugh.

            “Girls,” I hear him mutter and it makes me laugh harder.

 

That night after the play, I wait for Neil with the others. I have to tell him how great he was. He has to know how proud I am of him!

            My stomach drops when I see Mr. Perry exit the building, with Neil behind him. His eyes are down as he walks right past me. I don’t like the look on his face. He, he looks devastated.

            “Neil!” I hear Charlie shout. “Neil, you were great.”

            I push my way through the crowd and grab his hand. He turns, and his eyes almost light up.

            “Margo, I can’t.”

            “Neil, you were great, and I’ve never loved you more,” I tell him quickly.

            Mr. Perry joins us. “Neil, let’s go. Margaret, get back to school.”

            “I love you,” Neil tells me. My face burns and I can’t look anywhere other than Neil. Mr. Keating and the others are around me, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see Mr. Perry looking between us.

            “Neil!” Mr. Perry says loudly.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Neil says. “I promise.” He gives my hand a squeeze before he follows his father to their car and they drive away.

 

The clock says it’s six o’clock when my door opens. I sit up quickly, scared out of my mind. The light clicks on, and I cover my eyes from the blinding light.

            “What the hell?” I ask without thinking, rubbing my temples. I squint against the light as Neil hurries over to me and hugs me tightly.

            “Neil,” I say slowly after I’ve wrapped my arms around him. “Neil, why are you shaking?”

            “He wanted to send me away,” Neil whispers.

            I pull away just enough to see his face. “Because of the play?” I ask. “He can’t!”

            “He’s not,” Neil tells me. I’m still tired, so I’m also confused.

            “What?”

            “He was so mad that I disobeyed him that he was going to pull me out of Welton, but I, I,” Neil starts laughing, and it sounds hysterical and I pray he stops.

            When he does, he shakes his head. “I stood up to him. I told him there was no way I could get out of the play, but I swore to him I’d stop acting.”

            I sit up straighter. “That’s crazy, you love acting!”

            Neil shakes his head again, and scoots closer to me. “I just have to make it through the rest of this year and next year. Then I’ll be away from him and I’ll be an adult and I can do whatever I want.”

            “You’re crazy,” I say, but I can’t help but smile. Neil leans down and kisses me. He cups my cheek and pulls me as close as I can get. I wrap my arms around his neck. “You’re crazy,” I repeat when we pull apart.


End file.
